There are so many different angles that I could approach my testimony from, depending on which part I believe needs emphasis to suit a particular audience or theme. Having said that, ultimately my testimony is one of God’s steadfast and unconditional love towards me while I was yet in sin and up till this very day. Please read on as I share my story with you.
I was born into and raised up in a Christian family. (Funny how many testimonies start with that exact line!).
Going to church on Sundays was no new thing to me and prayer was something my parents instilled in me from a young age. But I was never taught the concept of relationship. I knew all the lingo but I didn’t know God.
In 2007 when I was 10 years old, my Father began to pursue his political dreams abroad.I grew up being daddy’s girl and we had a very close relationship, so this was really hard for me.
I missed him a lot.
Each time he travelled, I would wave him goodbye and cry after he left – my mother and older siblings comforted me, but it didn’t take away the pain of being separated physically from my Father. We spoke often on the phone and I knew that he loved me, but it wasn’t the same as his physical presence and being able to spend quality time with him.
As time went on I stopped missing him and started hurting within. Him missed out on many major events in my teenage years made me secretly turn resentful and bitter towards him.
This created a hole, a void in me.
I began to look to the world to fill that void.
At the age of just 14 in 2009, I got into my first relationship. I was very young and naïve but I thought that it was what I needed to fill the void and give me the love I deeply yearned for. Of course I was disappointed. But I kept on chasing after it.
One failed relationship after another left me emptier and more broken than the last. It was a vicious cycle I had no idea I was trapped in. Satisfying my sensual desires became a lifestyle because, I was selfish and lustful. Almost everything I did was for personal gain.
At this point attending and serving in church was just a duty. Something to tick off the list to feel moral and holy but there was still no personal relationship with Jesus.
At the age of 17, in 2013 I met a guy online and he was really good to me. I believed that he was the one, so I put everything into this relationship and convinced myself that it would last forever.
I always wanted to save sex for marriage – not to honor God or my future spouse, but because I was very religious and prideful. Apart from that I had no real boundaries physically or emotionally. I was sharing with him parts of me that should have been reserved solely for my husband.
In 2014 I started asking questions about God because I desired to know the truth, there was still a void within me that the relationship just didn’t fill – a connection with the Creator. I decided to pick up my bible and read it because something within me told me that it had the answers. God began to draw me nearer through his word and it was amazing. I said the sinners prayer and I believed I was saved. But I hadn’t repented or surrendered.
I thought my life would get better, but it got harder.
As I learned more about God through his word, my desires began to change – but being as stubborn and strong headed as I was, I resisted the change! Warnings came to me severally through dreams to get out of the relationship I was in, but because of the fear of loneliness and having no-one to love me, I disobeyed. Time after time after time. It was so hard to let go because I didn’t know what I would hold onto.
The relationship started falling apart. He’s heart began to turn cold towards mine and I was reminded of how God had hardened Pharoah’s heart to enable his will to be done. Then I knew that this was all for His glory. Shortly after this we had a horrible argument and then it ended, just like that. I cried the whole night.
A cry of relief because within me I knew it was for the best, but also a cry of utter pain because I had been left alone and rejected.
I was broken and emotionally drained. Having no-one else to turn to, I cried out to God.
This all began with a search for love. That night God the Father showed me true love in that while I was still a sinner, he sent Jesus Christ to die for me (Romans 5:8). He comforted and reassured me that He would never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 13:6) and so I decided to put my trust in Him. He convicted me of my sins and showed me the need to repent and believe in Him for my salvation. That night I fully surrendered to Jesus and decided to make him the Lord over my life. Glory be to God! Since that day the Lord has pieced me together again. He is continually restoring and healing every void area in my heart. He is making me whole, teaching me to be fully dependent upon him alone.
Transformation and a New Identity
I have been able to forgive my Father and I am no longer bitter towards him. I have understood that people will fail you, it’s in their nature. But God never fails. He is truly perfect in all of his ways!
I am no longer searching for love, because I know love, God is love.
I no longer date casually because I have discovered how much I am worth in Christ Jesus – more than rubies. I no longer fear rejection because I know my heavenly Father has already accepted me, flaws and all.
Because my heavenly Father has forgiven me, I have been able to forgive myself for all of my sins and love myself because He loves me. I no longer chase after the things of this world that satisfy the flesh, because I strive to walk in the spirit daily. The life I now live, I live by faith in Jesus Christ, the one who loves me, and gave himself up for me.
Encouragement For You
I want to encourage you if you’ve experienced heartbreak, relationship breakdowns and hurt from loved ones. Jesus Christ is a Healer, not only of physical ailments, but also of emotional and mental pains that have stung so deep. Take it all to Him in prayer and He will give you rest. It may take some time, but healing WILL come.
If you running to the world to discover the true meaning of love, please run to God! He IS love and will show it to you if your heart is willing and ready to receive it. The world has nothing – but pain, suffering and ultimately death – to offer you, true love can be found only in Christ.
If you have been blessed by this then feel free to comment, share and bless someone else!
I pray that you will come to a fresh understanding of God’s steadfast, unconditional love for you and that you will find security in him alone. He loves you very much!